i'm trying not to think about you
you know when some things are too close for comfort? you just go somewhere or someone says something and it sparks up some whole past memory and drives you absolutely insane. that's probably the only way i could describe this past sunday. from the awkward feelings to the methods of playing, from the frozen lemonade to the types of rides, it all seemed so.. similar.
looking away from my bad habits of shyness, and not speaking up, and feeling intimidated by sweet guys, that whole feeling from above simply shut me up for the entire day. what should have been incredibly enjoyable, a great addition to what should be an amazing summer home was just.. a remind of what was and what isn't. well okay, maybe that's not quite right, i did have a nice time. i mean, hell, disneyland is always fun. but looking back, i know i must have seemed so ridiculous with a frown or what not on my face at seemingly random times during the day. but whatever, the past is the past. at least i came out with a new friend, a souvenir, and a few cute pictures. and uh, at least we got on the nemo ride, even though the line seemed like it took ages.
i wish i could say more about the day, the aftermath, and whatever else, but i'm incredibly down right now.. and i'm being distracted by the godfather: part ii, but that's beside the point. i guess.. i just never thought that a loss of.. hope. just hope, nothing more, could have such a negative effect. but then again, i've never really been the optimistic type, so i guess dashing me down when i am on such an unusual high would have that sort of effect. but whatever, because now i'm just rambling on.
..in brighter news, the house looks nice.
